Desperation

I'm learning not to despise the things that create a desperation in my soul for the only stability I've ever known. Learning not to hate the things that cause me to run under the umbrella of God and be close to Him as it pours chaos all around me. 

Steffany Gretzinger said, "There is a price for the closeness." I'm learning it's not just time or even sleep. The price is far reaching and it will cost you every certainty in this world. You will give it all up to know, in desperate longing, a Force you cannot see. It's not a haphazard, blind following, however. Because the benefits and rewards of following Him far outweigh anything you will ever give up.

Despair (over lack, over pain, over hardship) for endless real hope.

Mourning (over loss and over waste) for joy in new mercies and new beginnings and anything renewable--including you.

Terror (of the past, the present, the future) for unexplainable peace that doesn't come from simply thinking happy thoughts but surpasses any logic. 

Hatred (of others, of circumstances, of self) for genuine, overflowing and enduring love straight from the throne of grace--grace that is greater. Always.

God can do a lot with desperation. It creates open hands and open hearts ready to welcome Him, the Living God. When God lets the plug out we can be filled to overflowing again. We begin to speak up again. We begin again. And again. And again.