Pride & Insecurity

Pride and insecurity--they are one in the same.

Pride is the great divider between the Creator and the creation. Pride says "I know better than You," "You can't make me," "I'll take it from here, God," "Thanks, but no thanks."

Insecurity says "Why did You make me this way?" "I am too unworthy for Your love," "I cannot ask You for help," "You cannot use me."

Those two may seem like whole different ball games but they both have the same underlying tone to them: "I don't need You" or "I'm better off without You." In essence: leave me alone. 

Pride and insecurity tell God what He can and cannot do. It sounds so ludicrous when spelled out this way because it is! We, the created, have the audacity to tell our Creator a thing or two. It breaks the heart of God that we can be so wrong about our great need for Him because we are literally nothing without Him!

And here's the bottom line: He still loves us! Even after we've tried to live without Him for whatever reason. He is always waiting for us to recognize we have and are nothing without Him. God created us for Himself and He hates anything that comes between Him and the ones He loves. He is a jealous God. God wants us to turn and love Him because He has loved us (1 John 4:19). Everything He does is based on love--because God is love (1 John 4:16) and He knows no other way. 

Pride and insecurity put space between a people and their God that was never meant to exist. God never wished for us to be seperate from Him so Jesus came to make things right again; so we could have a relationship restored unto Him. Pride would say "I'm above all that." Insecurity would say "I'm beneath all that." Truth would tell us we need Jesus. And He chases us to tell us so.

Trust Issues

My dad used to sell antiques at flea markets on a regular basis. And usually he'd come home with some antiques he bought as well. One time he brought home a large doll house for my sister and an antique teal and dusty rose-colored lace dress for me. I tried to imagine a daddy-daughter dance I might get to wear it to. He put the doll house in our shared room and hung the dress in our closet. Us two little girls, wide-eyed with wonder over our new gifts. 

I'm sure my dad really meant for those to be gifts for his little girls. He loved us. But he had a drug problem and his addictions trumphed everything else in his life. So early the next morning while we were still in bed my dad came into our room and took the doll house and the beautiful dress he had given us just the day before. He reasoned he could resell them for more money than what he paid. 

I tell you this story because I realize having God as my Father doesn't come without trust issues and this comes to mind when start to doubt. I have been clothed in God's own righteousness. He has paid the highest cost for me. His relentless love has covered me. And when I start to doubt I begin to think that He is taking back what He's given me.

I think of Peter on the waves in the Gospel of Matthew. He has seen Jesus and stepped out onto the waves. When he begins to doubt he starts to slip under the water. When we doubt, we sink--even though God has not changed and Jesus is still in front of us. 

Mistrust has some incredible consequences. Like I mentioned in the post about Trust & Eve & You, Eve gave up Eden and closeness with God because she mistrusted Him disobeyed. 

Mistrust leads to disobedience and disobedience leads to seperation from God. It causes a break in our relationship with Him. 

Jesus has made a way through the cross for us to have a relationship with Him, to live for Him. We can be Eve in the garden before the fall, Peter who stood on rocky waves with Jesus before he began to slip underwater. When we choose not to trust God we are Eve eating the fruit; we are Peter sinking below the waves. 

God has already done it all. We simply have to trust and obey (cue old hymn).

Realize this: if our own Maker, the One Who came to die in our place and free us from sin and shame and death cannot be trusted, who can? He alone is trustworthy!

Overwhelmed

So I'm gathering songs together for an Inspire event. I was trusting God to give me the songs to do. I thought I had gathered the ones God was showing me and I was on the lookout for what fit the theme, some of the first ones I heard.

Then I tried to practice some of the set. Some of them I really liked and were easy to lead and some I couldn't get the notes right and it was just a frustrating ordeal. I began to despise the songs that were gathered and wondered if I had heard from God about the song selections afterall. 

Last night before an impromptu practice session with two of the women on our team I heard this song--this gripping lullaby of a worship song that rocked my soul. "You Know Me" by Bethel Worship.

I needed to sing this over and over and over and over and over. The words! The melody! I can't even begin to think of it without almost melting.

On the way to impromptu practice I was not aware God was giving me a song for our set. I had tried to rush and pick the ones I thought were right for the theme, but His plan in all this is nothing short of Divine.

I realized in the car on my way to pick up the violinist that this song echoed Psalm 139--my favorite Psalm. A Psalm that has given me comfort in places of fear, the Psalm that God had awoken me with the same day Marty was diagnosed with Down syndrome. The same Psalm this blog got it's namesake from. I also just found out that it is a verse that our leader is speaking on at Inspire where we will be doing our worship set. 

I woke up this morning and got my guitar out and played it as an offering of my heart. I don't know what God has in store but I know that above all He knows and loves me with such an incredible, intimate love so that whatever comes from His hand I can trust and know He's got me. Since this morning I have been graced with such a strong sense of His very real presence weighing on me like a thick blanket. I know that He was waiting for the perfect timing to reveal His songs and I should have waited on Him. Lesson learned! The songs are so much better than anything I could've ever tried to fix-up on my own. Amazing love! He's in all the details! Just look at the message God wants us to grasp about Him:

"You are beautiful" -Beautiful

"You are mine" - Oceans

"You are God" - You Know Me 

"You are constant...You are always good...You are Sovereign" - Not for a Moment 

"All I need to do is worship...lift my hands, surrender and bow down" - All I Need

Join us for Inspire on May 9th 7pm! So excited!