Beautiful Yes

On a whim sitting at Panera eating the leftover muffin scraps my youngest didn't eat, I texted a friend. That friend runs House of Providence. In moments my daughter and I were gathering our things and leaving the suburb for a 30 minute drive to Detroit. 

It had taken a lifetime, and a closet space breathing in the closeness of God, and this and that and dreams--and so many dreams, dreams I didn't know the meanings of until now. It had taken so many moments and prayers and text messages and weeks and months and phone calls and crying out to God to lead to this moment, a moment I didn't even know was coming, that wasn't even on my radar. You have plans for your life and God has plans for your life--and I'm telling you we cannot even begin to fathom the awesome and incredible things He has in store.

"Do you want me to bring her down so you can meet her?"

I was nervous but so excited as I sat in a small room with my little girl waiting to meet her, to see what she looked like, to see if what I had pictured was anything like her. My "yes" to God was on the table, even if my knees were on the floor. He can do so much with just a simple "yes." I have a front row seat of watching it unfold in faithful rows before my eyes.

Then there she was. So precious and sweet and 17 and vulnerable and shy, shy because of her trauma. She smiled and reached out for my daughter as she sat down as one reaches for a pillow to cling to on a couch. Adele colored with her. This teenager drew a heart with an arrow through it--probably something she drew all the time. I'm not overanylizing when I say that real arrows have pierced her own heart.

I'd ask her questions, she'd smile and look up with an answer, I'd get to see her face light up then then quickly fade as she looked away; she'd go blank. I asked a lot of surface "what's your favorite" questions. Not sure how the meeting was going judging her reactions and the nervous bouncing of her knees, I asked if she had any questions for me. She blurted out a question she had been longing to ask: "Did she talk to you about the possibility of maybe doing...home visits?" 

My heart could've soared at that moment. Trying to stifle a giant smile and a loud and crazy "YES!!!" I answered it was absolutely a possibility once all the paperwork and things were in order.

We said our goodbyes and she went back to school. I cried with my friend who I told more and more details to this scarlet thread, this teen now being woven into a redemption story fashioned by the Lord. 

I didn't know what exactly it meant to say that the Lord was beautiful--and now I know. He puts orphans in families and gives those families new trust and understanding of His great love. What could be more beautiful than this?

I saw a journal online with Jeremiah 29:11 etched on the front. It was in her favorite color. I went to the bookstore and snatched up the only one they had. I found a card and some other gifts--a cross bracelet that was her favorite color, some nail polish and a coffee drink. I was feeling silly putting together a gift to give to her so soon, but I needed to. I felt silly all day about it but I wanted to do this. I thought it might be too much too soon--but I had to!

I heard her voice bubbling with hope on the phone today as she thanked me for the gift. She told me about her day in full sentences, and her weekend. We plan on playing guitar the next time I come to the house. She loves music. It's like she was meant for our family. The Lord knew she was ours before we did, before she did. And she fits. 

I reassured her about home visits to ease some of the worry she had that they may not happen. I encouraged her to be patient and hopeful in the meantime. We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone. 

Today I later found out is National Daughter's Day. The gift I gave was not premature, it was right on time. It wasn't silly, it was providence. She ages out of the foster care system in May--9 months from September. I'll carry this daughter for those months in my heart, making ready a place for her in our home. This is the beautiful yes of God.

Here we go!