It makes awkward memories and comical story telling, but then with each fail that twinge of pain right in the middle of my chest. The memories--laughable or not--stack high and the fear of that lonely place creeps in.
I have never liked the lonely place. But it's what drove me to You. Maybe I thought after I'd been welcome into your family I would find rest for my attention starved heart. But the jealousy over friends still surface, the misinterpretation of the unoffered invitation still poke at my self esteem, the edges of conversations still hurt to linger in. I long for a deeper connection.
I won't find it but in You, in the lonely places--the ones I have boarded ship like Jonah over. "Please don't send me there. Anything but that." I'll hold on tight to Your promises as long as I have a nice circle of friends who understand me, include me, praise me, want me.
But I am left time after time in the lonely place where I can try as I might to claw my way out to no avail. You will keep me here, form me here, meet me here. Up here on this Moses mountaintop--am I really alone anyway? You desire for me to know you in deeper healing ways. So here goes. I will step in to the lonely place professing You.
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