Daily Confessions 1

I sit here with the prodding to write. Not of anything specific or pressing, but just to shell out mom thoughts, honest thoughts. I just swigged the the bottom of my 3 hours cold coffee. No shame. I'm nestled here in the worn recliner with my son with Down syndrome in my hip and my other son up on the footrest between my feet. The strange cool breeze of a mild summer wafts through the open windows--and more would be open if one child didn't push a screen out and ajar. The little lady is sleeping at the moment but I'm predicting the son with special needs will startle her awake with his happy/sad/angry throat screams because he doesn't use words to express himself. I have often screamed back "Stop screaming!!!"...can you see the counter-productiveness in that method? It never works and I realize that I am actually the one who is slow to learn here. My clean laundry pile is amassing in the corner and I declare to myself it will get folded when I'm done washing and drying more clothes. At least the sink is empty... I can't pull myself away from the worn recliner where warm littles are wiggling and lounging, climbing and poking, squishing and crumbing. But the one with no words hits me in the arm to get my attention and signs "milk." The other one is whinning for more animal crackers and I think I hear my little girl starting to wake because of the throaty complaints of my oldest without words. The oldest wants lunch but it's 10am and he's bored of crackers. The milk request turns into a mini version of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. Kitchen raids stem from simple drink offerings. The askings for more are shot down with a "No" and more throaty protests fall on deaf ears as I sit back in a now empty recliner to type more of this post. I should've Intsagrammed a pic of us all cozy so people could see what a nice day we are having... Why all the honest musings? Simply confessional. My little girl is awake from her all-too-short nap and I delay in grabbing her up. Colder wind blows in. It's chilly out actually--did I dress us all wrong today? Thank you, Jesus, that I got to spend time with you today. We're doing ok, now, aren't we? Am I doing better than yesterday? Or last week? I don't know if that matters, really. That would be striving to earn something from You that I can't earn. I do wish to improve on doing, but perhaps that flows from simply being in You and You in me. Grace. I need more grace and Your presence as I take on being mom. You made me a mom. New mercies every morning. New mercies for them. New mercies for me. Maybe extra for me. And then the throaty screams from my nearly 5 year old who's getting picked on by his younger brother. Baby girl is wondering who is going to fetch her out of her crib. Maybe extra new mercies for them too.~*